Limericks

2012 Limericks

1) There once was a mean bull named Zack
Whom people he liked to attack.
He was proud of his fame.
Until they changed his name.
Now we call him Big Mac.
by Steve Poff

2) The Buskers are all set to play,
Three gigs on St. Patrick's Day.
Traditional songs,
And some pub sing-a-longs,
Topped off with the limericks, they say!
by Donna Burton

3) A girl to her doctor bemoans,
"Please do something with my kidney stones!"
"I'll keep them myself,
In a jar on a shelf",
Said the doctor to quiet her groans.
by Donna Burton

2011 Limericks

1) There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

2) A flea and a fly in a flue
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “Let us flee.”
“Let us fly,” said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

3) There once was an atheist named Joe.
Who knew there was no heaven, and so.
When Joe up and died.
The coffin he was inside.
All dressed up and no place to go. *

4) There once was a man from Ballingar
Who learned Irish tunes on guitar.
But the music was second
When the alcohol beckoned.
He especially liked whiskey in a jar. *

5) There once was a man from Killarney
Who drank enough beer for an army.
He tried to go straight,
So he moved to the States.
And now he drinks lattes at Barnies. *

6) A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,
Really liked playing with fire.
One night in the dark
He swam with a shark,
And his voice is now two octaves higher.

7) The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean - And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

8) There once was a man named Maloney
Who was naïve and full of baloney.
If he stood in a sewer
Full of horse manure
He’d say “Let’s dig, for there must be a pony.” *

9) There once was a man named O’Hare
With a very high voice and long hair.
The bartender gave a glance
Pointed at the man’s pants
And said “Hey, what’re you having down there?” *

10) A wonderful bird is the pelican.
His beak holds more than his belly can.
He takes in his beak
Enough food for a week.
But I’m darned if I know how the hell-he-can.

11) An accident really uncanny
Occurred to my elderly granny.
She sat down in a chair,
While her false teeth lay there.
And bit herself right in the fanny.

12) A rocket explorer named Wright
Once traveled much faster than light.
He set out one day
In a relative way.
And returned on the previous night.

13) A cute debutante from Donegal
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught on fire
And burnt her entire.
Front page, sports section, and all.

14) There once was a man named Perkins
Who was extremely fond of gherkins.
One summer at tea
He ate forty three.
Which pickled his internal workins.